Carissa

That stupid Mariah carey Butterfly song has been playing in my head for 2 days. Its fuckin annoying that i suddenly found meaning to the lyrics. For the lose.

My night is ruined. I didn't sleep. I worried all night i would get yelled at. And now i have to pay 25 bucks for a cab to take me to the train.

We were all hoping Jase would be the distraction. But I'm still comparing. He's not him. Its the sense of humor that's missing.

Need my own place soon. I can't keep living under watchful eyes like i'm in high school all over again.

Madonna, Next, TLC- its 1990 again

At a hiphop karaoke contest in brooklyn. This is The BEST malibu i've ever had. Its so fresh and cocoouty.

At a bar. girl friends. Beer pong. aussie men. Free shots. Hiphop music. Nyc! Don't take life for granted. Mine is blessed.

The night should have ended earlier. My aunt's upset with me again that i'm home late. The free rent means more to me right now than any thing or any one.

I can't eat coz I got butterflies in my stomach. Its those jitters when you know you're gonna see a guy you like. Eeee!

I'm compiling all my NY stories. Everyday is an adventure. I'm such a trouble magnet but I'm too curious of the outcome to repel what comes my way.

Fashion from 5 yrs ago is coming back- paperboy hats & angel sleeves. So glad i never threw my clothes away from that time. I'm so in love with NYC style.

My friends think the new guy is going to be a distraction to finally get over the old guy. They are right. i'm thinking of the new guy more.

Flashback: lovin boys since pre-k. Derek and the coloring of the apple. Brandon from 1st grade. Andy in 2nd. Richard in 3rd. Nick Carter in 7th.

Back in NYC. Been up over 24 hrs and was mad tired but the craving for pho took over. Called Rachel and we went Chinatown. Then I found a Quickly boba shop!!

An entire navy branch just landed in Midway. Some smart looking women there. All fit too. Makes ya think!

Omg... I just realized i didn't even throw the trash bag away with the condoms in it. In my haste, I just left it in the bedroom.

I tried my hardest to clean out my room of lube and condoms so my mom won't find them when she moves in there.

Ran into an old hookup. He's still Sexy as ever!

... and btw, I know I said I have some new distractions before me, but I am still not over you. That is why I cannot shake off these emo mood swings.

It has been a restful week in Phoenix. It's all still feeling surreal but still enjoying things.

Day 1 when I get off the plane, Lindsay picks me up and we were gonna have lunch. Mari and Jess called to have coffee so we met with them first. It was 84, really hot, and dressed completely out of place. The girls were in shorts and flip flops. I was laughing inside. Then Lindsay and I had our time to eat and discuss. I visited Ryan for a bit and got home at 10pm. Mom looked proud of how my wardrobe has improved. I told her about a few adventures but I was so tired I didn't really tell too much. Then I realize I left my purse at my brother's and had to drive back there to get it. Me, him, and Cheney decide to chill at Phillies for a bit. Unbeknownst to Ryan, Cheney and I start sharing a few scandalous stories. I have just started to get my feet in hot water but now I'm more convinced I'm hardly involved in the trouble department. I must raise the bar.

Wednesday was so awesome because I mostly slept all day (catching up for lack of sleep over the last 24 hours) and then Shirley came over for coffee on the patio. Then I went to Mill. I saw Josh, Eder, and MJ. Kyle punked out. We bar hopped a bit which annoyed me because Josh was tomcatting and I thought it was supposed to be a chill night with friends. Instead Josh made it into a night for him. That kid needs to grow up and cut down on the partying. I even told him I wasn't in town to get wasted like the old days because I'm just feeling like that right now. Stephen punks out too. I could or could not have gone to see him but he was like "I have plenty of time to see you" yet he didn't want to drive 5 minutes into Mill coz he wanted to stay home. Some people are so selfish.

Today was a family lunch. Then mom and I had coffee on the patio. I'm a big fan of drinking coffee in an outside setting. Saw Blanca and Casey. Then saw a movie with Lindsay.

I was speeding on the freeway on the drive home. I totally missed driving. And then I started thinking of Jase and when I was gonna see him again. He is so frickin sweet I can just see myself corrupting him in some form.

Galpha pot luck dinner tomorrow. This one is the event to wait for because they have been in the most curious state as to what I've been up to.